Wedoodle

有时心想时间过得真的太快了。虽然不是七老八十，却觉得一事无成，眨眼间长大了，却还没做过什么能让我觉得对自己满意的事。有好多梦想没达成——如果现在就上去报道，一定觉得不甘心，因为太多事没做, 没试过, 但矛盾的是，让我在这样活下去,却又觉得根本不够时间和资源去追求梦想，无望实现愿望。想到这里就总觉得对生命悲观，却又矛盾的觉得是自己想太多了太不知足了，需要懂得珍惜拥有的。我不愿这个工作岗位坐上十几年，遇到了不同的人，管你能不能应付, 受不受得了也就只能像个棋子般任人摆布。有时真的好难受。因信心不足所以没胆换工作，却又没钱再就学，做自己真想做的事。心也想，就算给我学了，如果出来没天分，不够好，找不到工作就白费了时间和金钱。这么大的赌注我也没把握下。到现在还不知生活目标，只觉得好不满足。我就是那么胆小怕事，那么矛盾，那么没信心，那么贪心也那么不甘。

Haha. ok. I’ve befriended some Chinese friends, got me all influenced with Chinese. But I do think that the language can be used interestingly and expressively, same idea of how some people can captivate with English, but by a different way of expression. Except I’m strong in neither language enough to manipulate it to be captivating.

Anyways, it doesn’t really matter what the Chinese stuff means. I just hate the feeling of being like a pawn in a hierarchical environment. It’s not just being a pawn. It’s the problem of feeling that the hand doesn’t care what means and how the pawns feel, all that matters to it is the chance for it to do the final checkmate. Bah. Just griping cos I’m feeling like my life is going nowhere. Directionless.

Pig